In the midst of an ugly cry over Caden, I called Aaron to see if he could talk about the situation. Little did I know that he was patiently waiting to tell me that our entires lives were about the change. In mid-Februrary, our beloved church had decided that Aaron was no longer a good fit for what they needed for worship ministry at Fellowship Bible Church's Benton Campus. I can distincly remember the tender look on my husband's face as he told me the news and waited patiently as I struggled through shock and panic.
In the months since, we have wrestled with emotions ranging from anger and fear to joy and excitement. To say it has been a roller coaster ride would be an understatement. This transition has been one of the most difficult times of change I have ever experienced. I have struggled with the lack of control I feel over my own life, with the uncertainty of what the future would hold for our family, with the loss of a home I hoped to raise my children in, with the fear of losing dear friendships due to distance, and with the insecurity that the people at a new church wouldn't like me (and, yes, I still struggle with things like that).
My family has also gone through another tremendous transition. On April 30, we welcomed our second baby, Brynna Kate. Our beautiful baby girl has brought many moments of joy to us in the last five weeks. She has also helped ground me by refocusing my attention and affection on the things that matter most....the people I love and purpose of being a Christ follower first, a wife second, and a mother third. I have traded the anxiety of "where will I live" for the anxiety of "is she breathing". (If you know me, you know that I constantly check my babies to see if they are breathing...)
I have been in the slow and painful process of letting go and I fear there will many more tears as I continue to let go of the life I had dreamed of and reach desperately for the life God has planned for me.
I plan to write several more installments about our transition and the things God has revealed to me during this time but I felt it necessary to give an update so that anyone reading could understand the back story associated with the things I want to write about.
I also want to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, been a safe place to cry, or brought us meals. We could not have made it through this without your love and support!