My intention was to blog throughout our transition to give all you out there an idea of what has been happening with us. The truth is, I've been hanging on as the waves of change have been crashing around me. I know that God has been the only One able to keep me from sinking in the midst of this transition. In my flesh, I am overwhelmed, discouraged, and stressed but He has been faithful through it all.
And today, I'm able to take a deep breath and put some thoughts down on paper. I'm writing to you from my desk situated quite snugly next to our bed in the bedroom of our new apartment as Caden watches a movie in the living room and Brynna sleeps peacefully in the kids' room. We have been here, in this apartment, for a month and a half and it's home (for now). All the boxes are unpacked and life seems to be moving at it's normal pace again.
The last few months have felt like a storm in my life. It was one wave of difficulty after another. One transition after another. And to be honest, I was simply tired of change and I struggled with disappointment, hurt, and frustration over even the simplest of things...like which grocery store to go to. I have learned so much about myself and about my faith over the last four months. I realized that I crave security, I long for the familiar, I am still insecure in new relationships, I am easily frustrated in new environments, and I really like trees and sunlight!
All of these realizations led me to ask the question, "Do I trust God?" Do I trust Him to provide financially when our house in Arkansas has not sold and I'm told that I will be transitioned out of my job with Chick-fil-A at the end of December? Do I trust that God will provide new friendships when the pain of not being near the people I treasure creeps in? Do I trust that God will give me wisdom in my parenting when I feel discouraged that my three-year-old is throwing another fit over going to the bathroom? Do I trust Him?
I didn't. I hate to admit it, but I didn't. Despite all that He has provided before, I still struggled because I could not see His plan. I was leaning on my own understanding, my own strength to get through. And somewhere along the way, I changed my prayers. I surrendered my plan, yet again, and things began to change.
I have seen miracles happen. No burning bushes or seas parting, but miracles none the less. God provided a job for me here. And not just any job, but a job with Chick-fil-A doing the same things, the same way, for the same pay. (Thank you Lord that I didn't have to transition in this area, too!) God has given me some new friends that I hope will be lifelong friends. God was gracious and Caden is, for the most part, potty trained. God has also given new life to some friends I've watched struggle with infertility for years. God has been gracious to us with our kids -- they are adjusting to their new life in Fort Worth so well. And these are just a few. There have been so many miracles along the way.
So, today I take a deep breath and remember that God is faithful to provide. Maybe not the ways we expect or want, but He will provide.
And to all of you out there who read this and have been praying for us. Thank you! Your prayers are so appreciated and welcomed.