Last night I had a mini meltdown.
And it was great!
No, I'm not crazy. The mini meltdown itself wasn't great but the outcome was.
Last night I found myself in a bad head space. I was upset, confused, and uncertain. I felt heavy hearted. I have been wrestling with some things for a while now and I felt burned by all that was swirling inside my head.
Aaron and I have talked briefly about them but like most families in our stage of life, a conversation lasts about ten seconds before interruption occurs. Most of time, I lose my train of thought or just simply do not want to exert the effort to try again. The times that seem easiest to have a conversation, at dinner or in the car for instance, are usually hijacked by our constant need to parent. And when we finally get to the point where the littles in our house are asleep, I'm tired and sometimes the energy it would take to have that kind of talk is just too much. I'm not complaining, it's just simply the truth. Conversations are hard to have!
Back to last night. I felt so many things and I was overwhelmed by what I was carrying. So, I decided to walk into the living room and without any preparation, I just let it out.
I shared all that I was feeling and wrestling with. All that had me weighted down and upset. I let Aaron in.
I cried. He listened.
And while the issues that burned my heart are not resolved or settled, while uncertainly still remains, I feel better. I feel lighter because I shared my burden. There is someone else who knows and who is praying for me.
I think as believers we buy into the lie that we are alone or that our issues are ours alone, but the truth is that we need each other. And while this is expressed at it's deepest level in marriage, it is also true with friendships. We need other believers in our lives who can help us carry the things that are sometimes too heavy to carry. We need others to pray for us when we don't know what to pray for ourself.
I believe it's hard for us to let people in because of fear. We fear intimacy because we fear rejection. We avoid sharing our deepest thoughts because it would require us to feel them, and honestly, it's easier to be busy doing than it is to stop and really feel.
But there is value in vulnerability. We need to let people in, to be honest with them and ourselves.
So, dear brother or sister, don't carry your burden alone. Let someone in.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
