Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and it's hard for me to believe that I'm that old. Sometimes I look at my life and think, "I'm not old enough or mature enough to have been married for almost a decade and have two kiddos." I don't see myself any differently than I did when I was in college, but I should, I mean I'm in my thirties!
Each year my birthday reminds me that a year has come and gone. And this year is special because my birthday marks one year in our home in Fort Worth. Hard to forget spending your birthday weekend moving furniture and unpacking boxes (smile).
I digress from the point of this post. I wanted to share with you all some things I'm learning. So, in honor of my 32 years, here are 32 things....
1. Home is truly where the heart is. When we first moved in with my with in-laws, Caden would ask when we were going home. I would tell him that home is where Mommy, Daddy, Caden & Brynna are. But I didn't believe that. Home was a brick and mortar place, a location on a map, a destination. Over the last 2 1/2 years, God has made my words to Caden true in my heart. We have seen several "homes" over the last several years and home is no longer longitude and latitude but simply the space I share with those I hold dear.
2. Friendship knows no distance. I'm a quality-time kind of girl. What to speak my love language? Spend time with me! It's really that simple. So, being far from my closest friends has been hard but I feel blessed to live in the age of technology and those friends are just a text, phone call, email or FaceTime away! The adjustment from down-the-street to on-the-computer has been difficult but I'm learning that true friendship overcomes miles.
3. Parenting is the hard privilege of discipleship. Everyday I'm building up little disciples of Christ. I'm teaching them who He is by who I am. It's hard work, often thankless, but my reward is not today...I'm holding on to the hope that it will come in the future.
4. Children are mirrors. My kids are truly my mirror. Everyday they hold up a reflection of who I am. They say and do things the way I do them. Most times I'm not happy with what I see...it's refining me.
5. I'm a control freak & I hate letting go. For the past several months I've been wrestling with the fact that my sweet boy is going to kindergarten next year. Right now that fact seems huge. I feel like I'm releasing my innocent boy into a den of lions. I want to control his world and protect him from harm. I'm having to face the reality that I have to let him go. He needs some independence and autonomy and I need to give it joyfully not reluctantly. (This one is a work in progress.)
6. Putting God first has to be intentional. Finding time to spend with God has to be on my calendar or my To Do List. And I mean that literally. I often find my self writing down all that I need to do in a day and I include prayer and Bible study. Why? Because, if I don't, I won't. Just like I would schedule time for friends or family. I have to schedule time for Him. I'm not sure what they says about me, but it's how I work and it works for me.
7. God is a God of order and it's okay for me to long for it. God made the world in an orderly fashion so it's okay for me to crave order in my home. It's a balance for sure but I'm embracing how He made me and accepting that my need to organize and clean doesn't make me a bad mom, just a clean and organized one...wink wink!
8. Taking time for me is necessary. God is showing me that sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need time to think or reflect. Sometimes I just need to go run out my frustration. And that's exactly what is best to do. I'm a better mom and wife when I'm in a good place physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Moms and wives....we need to take care of ourselves in all three of these areas.
9. Embrace the chaos. While #7 is still true, I'm learning to love the chaos too. My home is rarely the way I want it. In fact, beds are not made today and Brynna slept without sheets on her bed last night because Mommy needed do practice #8. There is generally food or drink spilled somewhere, a toilet not flushed, and shoes and socks left next to the sofa. It's just the way it is. Oh and did I mention the Legos that seem to attach themselves to my bare feet? Let's not forget the constant need for something while I'm trying to do three other things. There are days when I literally cannot remember what I was working on two seconds earlier. It's simply the chaos of littles in my home. I'm learning to embrace it, recognizing that my to do list comes second.
10. Dark nail polish is awesome! Yep, it is.
11. Surrond yourself with things you love. My environment is important to me (see #7). I love surrounding myself with things that bring me delight. So, pictures of my family are everywhere. Scripture is found in many places. I'm sentimental about certain things and I rarely replace them. It doesn't matter if your home looks like a design magazine as long as you love living in it!
12. Dress your best. After Caden was born, I found myself wearing sweats or pajamas a lot. Why do I need to get dressed when I work from home and I'm confined to this place because of my infant? Well, I've come to find out that dressing my best actually helps me see myself as valuable. I'm valuable enough to spend time to fix my hair or put on jewelry. It's perfectly acceptable to hot roll your hair even when your kids and husband are the only ones who will see it. I still work from home but you rarely catch me looking that way. Now, I know this idea isn't for everyone but it has certainly helped me to be productive and feel better about myself!
13. Romance takes work. Oh, I remember those days (before kids) when romance was easy to come by. Now, it has to be scheduled, thought of, and remembered in order to happen. And often it is interrupted. I like to think I have an extremely romantic husband but we both struggle to keep that alive in our marriage in this stage of life!
14. Not everyone gets me. I know it's hard to believe but there are people out there who just don't get me...maybe even don't like me. Seriously, though, this used to bother me but I'm learning to accept this fact.
15. Fill your time with things you love to do. Doing things that you love is important to overall health. Why spend your time trying to master something you don't even like? I want to spend my time doing what I love which is precisely why I don't watch zombie movies or play video games with my hubby. I just don't enjoy them. So, I opt for a good book in my bath tub instead!
16. Being responsible is not always best. I think I'm a pretty responsible person. I value responsibility in others, too. But being responsible isn't always best. Sometimes you have to put the work down and play on the floor. Sometimes you forgo cleaning because snuggles are needed more.
17. Don't put off for tomorrow what you could do today. This obviously isn't original to me, I mean everyone has heard this right? Well, I believe it to be true. My mornings work so much better when I pick out the kids clothes (and mine) the night before and make lunches for WEE School. It helps me to lessen the hurry in my life.
18. Submit. I know this is a "bad" word in our society. When I say submit, you most likely assume to my husband and, while this is certainly one aspect, it is not really what I mean. I'm learning to submit to God in all things. He is in control of all things and I need to stop thinking I know better. Maybe my idea is better than someone else's but He put them over me so I need to submit. It's not really about the person over me, it's about trusting and resting in God.
19. Wrestle with the hard stuff. Turning a blind eye to the hard issues of life doesn't make them go away, it just makes us ignorant. We need to wrestle with the hard stuff. We need to get our hands dirty. We need to cry over the injustice in the world and plead with God to make things right.
20. Become financially free. When Aaron and I were first married, we struggled with finances. I had one view and he had another. Over time, I've learned that not only do we balance each other out, but that his desire to be financially free is better. Debt creates limits on you. It's borders determine what you can do in the future. Two years ago, we paid off our Jeep, our only car payment, and we made a decision to live financially free. We still have mortgage but it's our only debt. We pay off credit cards each month and live under our means. It's hard at times, especially when you want to do a house project or think about having to buy something of lesser quality than you want. I've learned that financial freedom is better than the new car or painted front door. I'm not bound by stress that debt creates and I'm able to say yes to giving my money when I feel the Lord compelling me to do so.
21. Eliminate hurry! This is a tough one for me. I feel like I'm always in a hurry. There are always more things to do than hours to do them. So, while I'm practicing #9 and #17, I'm balancing these with eliminating hurry. I don't like being rushed and I don't like rushing my kids. So, if I'm 10 minutes late somewhere, get over it! I want happy over hurried!
22. View those around you like God does. I don't consider myself a prejudice person but it sneaks up on you. We all stereotype people based on dress, ethnicity, etc. Our culture has taught us how to do this really well. But as a believer, I have to fight this. I have to view all people as made in God's image and precious to Him. And because of this, they are worthy of my respect and grace.
23. Show respect to everyone. So this one goes right in hand with the previous one. It's easy for me to get caught up in my own agenda and forget that the person packing my groceries deserves respect or that person who cut me off on my way deserves respect. Or that annoying person screaming in the backseat deserves my respect. Just like I said before, all people are made in God's image and are precious to Him. I am no better than any of them.
24. I can't do everything. My desire to accomplish is hard wired in me. I am driven my goals and checks on my lists. I'm a doer! But the reality is that I cannot do everything. I must say no to some really good things in order to have margin in my life for the truly great things. I have to say it's hard because I believe raising my children is a truly great thing but sometime I want the immediate satisfaction of the lesser good thing. My hope is that my children will go up to be God-fearing, people-loving followers of Christ. But that day may be a long time coming and the work now seems mundane. I guess in some ways it's like building a house...the foundation takes forever and you don't see much progress and then one day the studs go up and before you know it...there is a house.
25. Work hard. Put away the iPad or iPhone. Turn off the TV. Work hard. I have to see my full-time mommy job and my, now two, part-time jobs as just that...jobs. I must work hard not for me but because God commands us to work as if we were working for Him. And in fact, we are!
26. I don't like waiting. In traffic. At the grocery store. On God. Yep, I don't like waiting. God is teaching me to be patient and to be happy in my waiting. Apparently, this lesson is hard one for me because I've been stuck in it for a while and the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me that I need to wait on God.
27. I can actually cook and garden...who would have thought? I used to think I wasn't good at cooking or gardening and maybe I'm not. But I do enjoy it. Being good at something and enjoying it are not the same thing. I like to get my hands dirty and feel like I made something. Both these activities do that for me.
28. I am not defined by who I was. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school and relive that! It was horrible and yet I still hang on to the categories that others put on me during that time. Maybe I was some of those things. Some things they thought of me were spot on. But I am no longer defined by those things. I am not the same person and I do not need to go backwards.
29. Anxiety is the enemy of joy. It really is. Being anxious and worried steals joy. Don't fall prey to it. Overcome anxiety with trust in God and be joyful!
30. Too many choices paralyzes me. I should write a whole blog on the booster seat debacle. I was so overwhelmed with all the choices...high back, no back, and then the brands and prices. Overwhelmed was putting it mildly. A new restaurant with all it's untested choices does it too. Oh and Starbucks...I love you now that I know exactly how to order my coffee but that wasn't always the case. And don't get me started on soap or shampoo with all it's promises. There are times when I just wish we only had two or three of any given thing to choose from!
31. Being a Pinterest Mom doesn't make me a good mom. I think it's particularly hard to be a "good mom" these days. There is the constant need to out do each other and with Facebook to post all your wonderful Pinterest styled parties, well the comparison trap has us stuck. Being a Pinterest mom doesn't make me a good one. My pre-done cookies are just as good as your handmade, perfectly iced in your theme ones. I don't need a handmade wreath for every occasion for my family to feel loved. But please don't misunderstand me...I'm in love with Pinterest too. I just don't want to be confined to it. I want to freedom to be un-Pinterest-y too.
32. Show love and grace at all times. Showing love and giving grace in all situations makes life work. It makes life easier and it makes me a happier person. When I walk around judging, cranky, entitled, and arrogant, well, life just isn't much fun.
There you have it....32 things I'm learning as I go into my 32nd year.